One of the life-changing books on my list (see post of May 4, 2009) is The Primal Wound, by Nancy Newton Verrier. From the author I learned a very important truth about the dynamic of adoption. The original abandonment/relinquishment experienced by a subsequently adopted child inflicts a lifelong and indelible wound whose pain will never go away.
This message was hard to accept. I had convinced myself that my wife and I could love away that pain and heal the wound by applying the balm of our total commitment. Verrier's insight resulted in great relief for all of us. Once we stopped blaming ourselves for the residual hostility coming our way, we were free to love without self-blame. We let our daughters be themselves and deal with their individual primal wounds. They have both grown into very wise and loving young women. Their dad, too, grew in wisdom along with them. Thanks, Nancy Newton Verrier.